As you might have noticed, things have been getting a bit hairy around these parts. In commemoration of the thousands of “Mo Bros” around the world putting their finishing touches to the hair above their upper lip this November in support of raising awareness and money for prostate cancer and male mental health initiatives, the following may give you some insight into the varying styles of moustaches and the personalities behind them, largely according to Cracked.com
The Chevron-wearer is lean, serious and absolutely incapable of putting up with bullshit. You insist on “telling it like it is” at social gatherings and are “renowned” for your brevity.
The Dali or The English
You fancy yourself a true genius, even if others have yet to catch on. You’d like to think that your penchant for high quality doesn’t make you insufferable, just distinguished.
The Handlebar or The Petite Handlebar
You’re fully capable of discussing philosophy, executing a high-stakes corporate take-over, and rigging dynamite to an oversize plunger, all at the same time. You’re as intelligent and genteel as you are brutal and unforgiving.
The Painter’s Brush
You don’t normally put too much thought into how you look. You’re an easy going, all round likeable guy, if only for your ability to smooth over any tense situation. People will always assume that you’re the nice guy, without you having said a word.
The Horseshoe says a million different things in a million different language, and all of them are “I’ll light this place on fire.” You just don’t know how to break the news to your father, but your facial hair does. The horseshoe is the staple of convicts, bikers, and general badasses with poor impulse control across the globe.
The Toothbrush or Lampshade
You’ve either got too much free time or too little facial hair. You think everything is a joke and you are mostly insensitive to the injustices of the world. Try a little compassion every once in a while, people will notice and you will be rewarded in kind.
A Variation of the Pencil Moustache
You know the word suavity exists, and you plan to use it in every sentence you speak for the rest of your life — even if it’s just whispering it seductively at the end of them like Sex Punctuation. There are three things you do better than anybody else: Dance, have sex, and avoid immigration. Sure, you look like kind of a pervert. But it’s the good kind of pervert.
A Variation of the Pyramidal Moustache
You fancy yourself a lover of good wine and good food. You’ll pay any price to enjoy the earthly pleasures of this world. You are well-read and even better spoken. Some think you’re over confident, but they just don’t understand your virtuoso.
The Fu Manchu
You are an intellect, with all the resources of science past and present. You have few enemies, only by virtue of having killed most of them already. You are the closest thing to a modern day ninja as is desirable.
You fancy yourself God’s great prodigy and you seek to spread your wealth of knowledge and good sense wherever you go. You think you have all the answers and take every opportunity to show people the ways in which you are superior to them. Try to remember that not everyone strives to be an egomaniac like you.
The Walrus or The Cowboy
The Walrus/Cowboy is a monster of a moustache. You’re a man of honour, infinite patience and a short fuse. You feel strongly about the “way things used to be” and your favourite topic of conversation is the “simple things in life.” You demand to be taken seriously and you don’t take crap from anybody. You might give the impression of being a sweetheart, but in reality you’d rather wrangle a horse than express any emotion.
To donate or to find out more ways to help visit ca.movember.com. For more insight into what your moustache style says about you go to: http://www.cracked.com/blog/a-guide-to-the-modern-moustache/#ixzz2CKIwlHTV
By Gala Munoz