How to Get Away With Trick-or-Treating in Your 20s
by Laura Mooney
Halloween: a day specifically dedicated to going around knocking on strangers’ doors, dressing in outlandish costumes, and begging for massive amounts of free candy to gorge yourself on in one single night until your belly is about to burst. Halloween is clearly the best holiday, if not a contender for the best day of the year. However, if you are unfortunate enough to be over the age of 20, Halloween is not supposed to be for you. More and more, Halloween is being targeted for younger kids, with costumes for infants only a couple months old now available for purchase. What about us adults? Sure, we could go out and buy a bag of candy, but where is the fun in that? So for those of you that wish to experience the joys of trick-or-treating one last time, here is a detailed list on how to get away with it when you are in your 20s.
1) Have your costume as something that requires a ton of makeup and a bulky costume, this way no one will be able to tell how old you are. Try a clown or a mime. Maybe even Cher in her later years.
2) Go out with a huge group of friends. I am talking massive. If you all swarm the door quickly the people handing out the candy will do so in such a panic they will not have any time to question you on your age. Just make sure you do not trample any children in the process.
3) Borrow a friend’s baby. Not a young child, it must be a baby, and it must be cute. That way when you take it door-to-door, people will fawn over its adorableness and hand out extra candy just because they think you created such a miracle of nature. The added bonus is you won’t even have to share you profits because, I mean, who actually gives candy to a baby.
4) If you cannot borrow a baby, try taking a dog. Anything cute and fluffy will melt the hearts of even the most judgmental ageists who come out on Halloween. If this does not work automatically, your dog can always leap up on the candy giver, knocking the candy bowl out of their hands, and spilling it all over for you to grab. Just make sure you are a fast runner, for you may have to make a quick exit.
5) Pull the classic “placing shoes on knees to look smaller” trick. Every time you go to a new house get down on your knees while placing your shoes on them to appear as though you have magically transported back to your childhood height. This trick works best with a robed costume and a mask, that way face is hidden and your legs are covered, since a pair of disembodied legs sticking out from the back of your “feet” may be a dead giveaway. If the homeowners are not fooled, then maybe your desperation will give them a good enough chuckle that they will simply hand over the candy.
6) When you knock on the door, instead of saying the traditional “trick-or-treat,” sing Christmas carols. This will cause people so much confusion they will give you the candy just as a bribe to get off their doorstep and never come back.
7) Tell people you have a very rare illness that causes you to age uncontrollably. You are actually only five and your parents told you that the only cure was to consume mass amounts of sugar one night every year. This should guarantee a pity chocolate bar or two.
8) Whenever someone opens the door and makes an age comment, ask them why they are not out trick-or-treating with you because they look so fabulous and young they could pass for a teenager. They will be so flustered and flattered by your comment they will hand over a handful just for your quick wit.
9) Pretend you are from a foreign country trying to learn about Halloween in North America by immersing yourself in the traditional candy collecting ceremony. If this does not work, try speaking another language or act like you do not know any English. You will receive bonus points if you stand there looking confused until they hand over their entire bowl of candy just to get you to go away.
10) Finally, if anyone refuses to give you candy because you are too old, break down and cry. There is nothing more terrifying than a stranger in a costume crying on your doorstep, and hopefully they will give you candy in a nervous attempt to cheer you up and send you on your way.
So there you have it! A couple of possible ways to get your own free stash of candy this upcoming Halloween, no matter how old you are. It gets more and more difficult the older you get, so you may have to up the ante after a while, but if these helpful tips can aid you in your first ever experience with trick-or-treating in your 20s then you are well on your way to being a pro. Just remember the most important thing, no matter how old you are, you are never too old for candy and dressing up. Happy Halloween!